Twenty Questions

How are you today?
I’m really well, thank you. I’ve not smoked for over five weeks and I have so much more energy. A poisonous fog has been lifted.

Do you like your job?
Yes I do. When I got back from Ibiza nearly two months ago I was the poorest I have ever been. I was paying for my lunch with 5 pence coins that I’d saved up when loose 5 pence coins were annoying (cue me with an overly cheery voice at the Tesco checkout “I hope you need change!”) And then I won the job as a copywriter. It’s hard not to like something that allows you to shop with dignity.

I’m working with words and although it’s sometimes repetitive, sometimes repetitive its project based so my famously short attention span is not spanned. The small company is based in a shabby office in Hendon Central (I commute nearly 3 hours each day) and I’m not exactly splashing out on Faberge Eggs but as a foot in the “my other less interesting” career ladder – something to fall back on if the modeling/writing/acting/promoting doesn’t take off – it’s a winner.

Is it possible to get to know God?
Um, I think so. When I imagine God & the Universe my brain goes on a tour of dark regions of space and along lush forests and inside neurons and it all seems too vast to have been defined by human beings. I tend to think that we create our own gods as a reflection of ourselves (and not the other way around) and so the more we understand ourselves and humanity in general the closer we come to appreciating (if not understanding) the vastness.

What kind of meat is this?
I’m hoping it’s a vegetarian substitute masquerading as meat otherwise I’m not eating it.

What are the best methods of teaching reading?
I’m a firm believer in talking books at bedtime and babies being read to in the womb. No really, I am.

Where were you born, and where do you live now?
I was born in Edgeware, London and I know live in Clapham Junction, London. In between I traveled to the other ends of the Earth.

What does your mom refer to you by?
She calls me Drew. (My full name is Andrew James Davies but I was nearly called Max).

What makes someone a “sell-out”?
Appearing in a Gap Ad when they’re already world famous. Small time actors like Martin Henderson I can forgive.

If the World was ending tomorrow, who would you kick it with tonight?
Does “kick it” mean have sex with? If so it would have to be Jake Gyllenhaal from the film Donnie Darko. If “kick it” means play in a band with then I’d choose homo musician Rufus Wainwright. Actually I’d shag him too an’ all.

What book is your Bible? And you can’t pick the Bible.
Then the dictionary, followed closely by the thesaurus, followed by the collected work of Shakespeare that my Grandfather bought me but I had to leave in New Zealand.

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Um, can I buy a vowel?

If someone opens fire at a busy McDonalds, which would save more lives -- phoning the police quickly or a couple of armed customers?
That’s such a hard question. I think the real solution is not to eat at McDonalds. I say police, the gunman is probably only doing it for a violent cry of attention and by getting other untrained gunmen involved is only going to get bloodier.

People keep writing that in a small group, Al Gore can be charming, natural and witty. How small does the group have to be?
I really got into the American Presidency race and watched the debates with interest. Not knowing much about him I found Gore to be calm, articulate and commanding. George Bush had trouble understanding the questions. The rest, as they say, is the War Against Iraq.

A tiger, its left eye is blind, now, on its left side and right side, each has a pile of grasses, so, which side it will choose?
It doesn’t eat grass! Ha ha!

Do you know any restaurants in London that will serve a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner?
Ask the Vegetarian Tiger! These are easy, next!

Do they have potato chips in Europe? Do they taste the same as ours?
They have crisps in Europe but instead of Walkers they’re called Lays. You can get yummy feta flavoured ones. I think all the flavours taste similar in each country. Crisps unite.

Do you sing along to ad jingles?
They don’t really do jingles anymore do they? Maybe there’ll be a renaissance. I can still remember jingles from when I was a child. And I would sing along with future jingles.

What Can You Do for Us That Other Candidates Can't?
I have a very long tongue but I can’t touch my nose with it. I have almost perfect vision and I can read the number on a bus from miles away. I have incredible arches when I point my feet (validated by a ballerina). I can grow a beard in about 7 days.

What are you wearing?
‘Day of the week socks’ I bought in a five pack. I’m wearing ‘Monday’ but its Friday today. Knackered old Gola clown shoes. Jo’s hand-me-down jeans. Ugly pair of blue y-front pants (underwear for non UK citizens) that I bought in bulk when last in New Zealand. A red t-shirt with someone who is wearing a Mexican wrestling mask rollerskating that I bought along the Castro in San Francisco. And finally a red wool jumper that makes me look like a CBBC presenter.

You know you always have to know the answers to those six famous questions
I keep six honest serving men (They taught me all I knew).
Their names are what and why and when and how and where and who.

(Rudyard Kipling)

Yeah, yeah, email me

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sites what I write on:

sites what I wrote on:
über: I haven't been completely honest
somewhat.org: on the up




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