The 1pm Swim Meet in Holmes Place Gym, Hendon Central.

After roll call, Margaret O’Reilly dives straight in with the day’s tactical manoeuvres…

“Right, now we all know the goal; breaststrokers you’ll be our main defence. Make sure you stay on the right side of the pool. There are plenty of you but don’t get cocky - if one of you falters we’ll lose our hold. Has everyone got swimming caps? Good. Remember if he speeds up to overtake swim faster, otherwise go as slow as you can.

Splashy Man, you’ll be on the far right – I want to see arms and legs flying. Don’t be afraid to really splash him as he comes past you. If we get water in his mouth or up his nose he’ll have to stop.

Underwater Boy - back up Splashy Man. I know it’s hard to hold your breath the entire way, so just do it in sections. Remember if he can’t see you it’s that much harder to avoid you.

And finally, Fat Woman on Floatables – you’re our secret weapon. Ride down the middle of the pool and drift into every lane. I want to see diagonals!

Okay, we’ve got one hour so let’s make it count. Drew’s not going to know what hit him! Go Team!”

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