Things to Do

Either cut your hair or stop complaining to anyone who will listen (at last count – three people) that you look like a scarecrow. There are those in this world who really do have hair like a scarecrow – in an un-ironic way - and they deserve all your love and sympathy.

Spend more time in parks. Yesterday at Hampstead Heath was wonderful. Preferably take someone to roll around in the long grass with next time.

Befriend more writers, dancers, actors, photographers; creative and talented people in general. They’re great to drink red wine with and they remind you why you gave up all chance of ever earning a real wage and ran away to join the circus in the first place.

Quit smoking. For good. I mean it.

Learn to deal with rejection emails. Giggle in the face of rejection. Understand that you can’t please all the people all of the time and anyway I bet they’re old and bitter and oh god, why, oh why, don’t they like me?

Forgive Michelle for ruining your non-stick wok. So what if it sticks now and it’s a bit rusty because she left it soaking all night instead of washing it straight away? At least she didn’t blow up your toaster.

Do push-ups before your shower in the mornings. Push-ups lead to bicep muscles - you know - the bumps on other people’s arms. But don’t kiss your biceps when you finish. Well alright, but only if no-ones looking.


Yeah, yeah, email me

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