There are some simple rules when you’re young and single. Make sure you keep yourself just busy enough. Find a small fault with the people you date to give you an out. Whatever you do, don’t begin to like them.

The Brazilian came over on Saturday. We’d planned go to a park but with a fickle English Summer we decided to have a picnic in my bedroom instead. Cute, I know. I wasn’t really trying to woo, I was just humouring my occassional need for romance, playing a role. When all the actors were assembled we ate a french loaf and brie and talked about language and the how restrictive English can be. I taught him how to pronounce asparagus and nonetheless correctly. At some point I thought to myself, this is fun. I’m having a good time. I like this.

Nonetheless, he didn’t call yesterday. I sent him a text, something breezy and light but it registered that I was taking too long to write it; I was being careful. When I didn’t get a reply, I started to tidy the house. I scrubbed the kitchen sink. I finished three loads of washing. I hoovered. At 6 I called him, forcing a smile so he’d hear it in my voice. He was out with friends so I told him I’d ring back. At 9 I called again and didn’t leave a message.

He sent a text message this morning. His battery ran out. He went to a club with friends. Sorry about yesterday. Hope you are not upset.

There are some simple rules when you’re young and single. Make sure you tell someone where you’re going in case they turn out to be an axe murderer. Never get ahead of yourself. And whatever you do, don’t ever begin to like them.


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