My agent calls me back after playing phone tag for a few hours.
‘So what about this audition on Thursday?’ he barks.
This is the first time I’ve spoken to him in over a month. My Agent is gruff and very blokey. I once suggested I give him a call after an audition to tell him how it went and he gave me a look which said “Why stop there? Drop by the office and we can all hug and talk about our feelings, why don’t ya.”
‘An audition on Thursday? I’m not sure... Did you email me about it?’ I say, flustered.
‘Nah, I’m asking you. Can you do it?’
‘Oh, yes, sure. So what is...’
‘I’ll email it now.’
He hangs up.
The Audition is for an “Admiring Pedestrian”. The call sheet says I need to “play a character (wear what you might in your everyday life) and find a reason for doing something on the street eg checking for change for parking meter, looking up timetable, sweeping the street whatever.”
This is a quick list of five ideas I just brain stormed:
Shooting up crack
Being a hustler
Walking a dog
Avoiding the cracks in the footpath (??)
But their ideas are good too whatever.
The call sheet continues:You will be give two reaction shots as the car drives past.
1. Internal reaction of admiration
2. External manifestation of that reaction
Just lucky I went to Drama School for two years and studied Chekov then.OTHER INFO: There will be a paid recall. If you may the short list.
I’m editing. 12 hour days. It’s a different process from creative writing. Instead of deciding plot and character and – you know – stuff happening, it’s a much more mathematical process of vetting words.
Harri giggles when I do this shtick where I pretend I’m trying to grab the million words
in the English language in the air and decide on just one by running towards him and touching his nose with a “beep”, but then he’s only a baby and has never written a book before. Punk. His greatest worries, for example, include not having enough hands for things. Harri Doesn’t Have Enough Hands
The Editor’s greatest foible is overused word syndrome
. We all have words we overuse. Some people use “really” too much. Their emails are all “really nice to see you last night. I’d really like to do that again some time.”
Others might abuse “so” as in “So, how are you? So, you didn’t reply to my last email...” Hey, Been Trying to Meet You
I have O.W.S. too. I’m a “that” man.
In most circumstances you can whip the offending “that” right out of your sentence and replace it with a “which”. This makes it sound much better, but not always, as these two examples illustrate: How about which?Which is the end of which.
I use “that” so often I’m thinking of calling my book “that”. Or maybe “Words and that”.
No, I’m lying. I’m almost definitely calling it “Drew’s Pretty Princess Book”.
There’s a market, okay. Drew’s Pretty Princess Book (cover design concept)
I like games so here’s a new one for Friday.
I decree *rolls up sleeve* that for the entire day, whenever you hear or use the word “that” you will immediately be conscious of it, to the point that you will have to stop your conversation and explain to your companion / lover / boss why it’s so funny that they said "that".
Did I say game? I meant curse. Ha ha ha ha.
Drew Davies: using the internet for evil curses since 2003.
Finally, as he’s out of bandwidth, here’s a picture of Jake’s new haircut dedicated to A Ridiculous Raw Youth
P.S. As you can probably tell, spending all day editing sends you a little potty. Trufax!
Load 80 Tons
Today Holly and I put on roller blades and whizzed Harri around the Parade in his pushchair. We were like the Von Trapp family on wheels.
The Jerry Springer show I'm watching is called 'Gays of our Lives'.
Somehow those two facts seem related to me right now.
A Reasonable Place to Park
"Those (regrets) I have are so minor. Would I leave my Keith Richards hat with the silver skull on it in the coffee shop at LaGuardia? I wouldn't do that again. But overall, no. I don't have any regrets." Hunter S Thompson
What Colour Are My Eyes?
Awful Hallway Art #3If it's hanging in the communal hallway, it's fair game...Bang or a Whimper
(Oil on canvas)
It took me a few minutes to figure out exactly what I hated about this painting. Initially I thought it was an abstract work, but as my poor eyes began to focus I realised it was in fact “representational”. Fireworks. Must be. Either Johni painted this in real time as he watched a display or he rendered it from a photo. My money’s on the latter. We’re lucky he didn’t include his wife’s blurred shoulder in the foreground.
Oh, the composition. So static. So dull. Dear God, Johni can make even explosions
(Oil on canvas)
Johni reminds the viewer that this painting is FOR SALE for the paltry sum of NZ $380. That’s US $270, UK £145, 210 Euro, Aus $345, 28,651 Yen or 1,774 Norwegian Kroners. Or save yourself some money and I’ll chew a few crayons and spit them on a piece of canvas for you. Same effect for half the price (excluding tax). Bargain.“Honey, have you remembered to put the cat out and turn off the Carter Fountain?”
Incidentally, my Mother informs me that this fountain, which sits in the bay, is owned by the city council but is operated from a private residence. Apparently they have a button and it’s at their discretion when to activate it. Trufax!
I Saw Two Hot Boys But They Hid
Babysitting Harri + internet connection = conspiracy theory
If that ain’t enough mystery for you try not pron
. I’m stuck on Level 6!
This has everything I look for in a piece of grafitti: an open dialogue, one-liners, pop culture references and penises ("peni" - like "octopi"?).
I found this at the back of the Amalgamated Video Shop in the Wellington CBD.
Detail: The More You Fear...
Detail: The Leatherface Quartet
Detail: Diddal Fiddle
Detail: Cat Among the Parrots
Apparently it's "penises" or "penes" but not, in fact, "peni". I looked it up.
Wellington is kinda pretty, huh?
p.s. tomorrow's post might not be worksafe...
Be My Valentine
Yeah, I’m Valentineless. Donovan Frankenreiter
Pros: Hot surfer bod. Has at least one song I can hum to.
Cons: Can’t pronounce last name.Owen Sheers
Pros: Could whisper sweet poems to me.
Cons: Would whisper sweet poems to me.
Pros: All the "Behind the Scenes" gossip. Probably has a red convertible.
Cons: Not Adam Brody.Todd Levin
Pros: Nice beard. Sexy blog.
Cons: From this pic
, it looks like he may be a disembodied head. Sam from Sticky TV
Pros: Good with children. Killer smile.
Cons: Would be too tempted to make bad jokes about him being on “Sticky” TV. Jason Ritter
Pros: Joan of Arcadia
. Looks very much like Sam from Sticky TV (Anyone else seeing a trend here?). Could suggest a threesome.
Cons: Freddy vs. Jason
. His nickname, apparently, is 'Jace the Ace'. That'd have to go.
Guy at Pool
Cons: Seen me trundling Harri in the push chair so thinks I am married with a kid.
My previous post “Awful Hallway Art #3” went all screwy. Maybe it was blogger, maybe it was me, maybe it was divine intervention. I might try posting it again after I do a few “hail Mary’s” just to be on the safe side. Until then, I’d like to start a new series called “Awful Self Portraits”. 'Should teach me for making fun of other people.
Also, check out more masked graffiti
The clock has chimed midnight which means I’ve been back in Wellington for exactly four months. With great synchronicity, I’ve also finished the complete first draft of the book – all 80,000 words of it. I feel drained, excited and a little lonely / home sick. This novel writing thing is quite a ride. Someone should write a book about it.
Christine and Ruby
1. Can you tell the difference between Australia and New Zealand
(I scored 8 out of a possible 10
"You're obviously logged on somewhere south of the equator - what are you doing sitting at your computer? You should be at the beach - it's only a few weeks until autumn, you know.")
2. Just recieved this text from my friend Charlie:
Today is International Day of SEXY & ATTRACTIVE people. Send this to someone who fits the description! Don’t send it back to me, I’ve received fucking hundreds!
'I'm loving your new photoblog. It's like an online gallery exhibition.
Would you like me to do the PR for a London exhibition of your work, when you get back? Canapés, champagne, art critics, etc? You in all black Helmut Lang. David Hockney sobbing quietly in the corner. People whispering "it's like a neo-classical style of pure, unadulterated existentialism unmatched since Andy Warhol really". And that's just what they'll be saying about the canapés.
Think about it.
Take to the Streets: Dark Forces
Sell Your Soul
"I realised the other day that, unless I am getting my months muddled up again, you will be back in the grimy, expensive, danger-pocked, flea-riddled, germ-smeared, rain-addled, over-populated hell hole that we call 'home' next month. Gosh! Do you need picking up from the airport?"
Yes please, Lizzie
! (p.s. but it's two months to go...)
Take to the Streets
Could This Be?
Whenever I try and take pictures of a city (London, Los Angeles, Auckland, Zurich) I inevitably end up hunched over a dumpster in some dark alley.
I’ve always had a fascination with tagging and graffiti art; photographers like the late, great Minor White who used shapes and lines - “gestures” – as a form of expression.
Is a dork
Some Wellingtonians seem to have embraced a Banksy
-esque style – stencil graffiti with a subversive sense of humour. Others scrawl with chalk or crayons.
As Banksy himself puts it “Graffiti is not a crime, it's art without the cheese and wine brigade.”
Just Market It
More to come...
Holly is kind of my hero today.