8/09/2005
 
Why you may not be in love yet

You haven’t met the right guy / girl
When you did meet them they weren’t attracted to you because you had a spot on your chin
You had that chance and you lost it
Stupid spots
You have issues
You don’t have issues
Your issues aren’t as big an issue as theirs
You need better issues
A glamorous drug problem, a tragic death
Thrush just doesn’t cut it
You prefer it this way
You choose it
You have selected to wake up each day and scream “world, it’s me – just me - and I feel fucking fantastic about it!”
Until your neighbour bangs on the wall
You’re newly married neighbour
You’re on night shift and your only human interaction is with Marty, and he spits when he talks
And anyway you dated him and it didn’t work out
Because you slept together
On the first date
And once at work in the utility cupboard
Last week in fact
You’re thinking about doing it again soon, but it would never work out long term
What if one of you was transferred to days?
You don’t zing
Or you zing too often, too painfully often.
The post lady, the girl in the park, the woman who tripped in the street - each one takes a piece of your heart
You don’t believe you deserve it
And all the romantic films in the world can’t convince you of the contrary
Even Amelie
Or Gone with the Wind
Or You Got Mail
Or the first time you watched Love Actually on the big screen (not the director’s cut special edition on DVD, which you personally felt didn’t add anything to the original)
You worry that maybe there isn’t one special person out there for you
What if someone else jumped the queue and stole your soul mate?
You’re too strong = not vulnerable enough
You’re too picky = scared of commitment
You have a cat = you have a cat
You’re misunderstood
No really, you are
You’ve just read this
And reacted in some way
And another person has read this and maybe felt the same
And in my books that makes you compatible
Hell, in my books that makes you on the path to lurve
Now all you have to do is meet them
We’re in a global village
Go on a weekend break to Prague
Loiter outside the newsagent
Get drunk and throw your business cards off the bus
And when you do meet them
Remember this and maybe work it into a conversation
They’ll slap you on the chest
Get out, I read his blog too!
And you’ll smile at your good fortune
And kiss
And kiss
And all I ask in payment
Is that you invite me to the ceremony
And maybe set me up on a date with your incredibly hot younger brother
Who was in the marines
And still has the uniform
Because the guys I’m after don’t ever read blogs
Hell, most of them can’t even read at all.
 

Yeah, yeah, email me

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sites what I write on:
londonist

sites what I wrote on:
über: I haven't been completely honest
somewhat.org: on the up

blogs:

christopher
elizabeth

boys:

tlc
homorobotic
sex, lies & videotape
diamond geezer
vivid blurry
raw youth
secret simon
learn swedish
the rob log
why god why
a beautiful revolution

girls:

dooce
afrochic
belle de jour
pound
jems web
lindsayism

pulse:

timmy ray
link bunnies
link machine go

fantastic blogs:

a light fantastic
a chair fantastic
a rug fantastic
a kitchen fantastic
a bed fantastic
a clock fantastic

tools:

life hacker
i hate work
hi-gloss film production



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