Just gone 8.30am and I’m walking by the Astoria where there’s a queue of hundreds. Thinking it’s a bit early for a pop concert I question a security guard. He sniffs, and cocks his head at the bleach blonde women hugging sleeping bags to their bosoms against the drizzling rain; "Robbie William’s is having a concert tomorrow" he replies in a thick Eastern-European accent, and I thank him and walk off, leaving the poor Robbie loving bastards to their wait.
Martin: late twenties, olive skin, owns his own apartment
I invited him over for dinner with my flatmate and her friend. I cooked, laid on wine, floating candles and good conversation. Outcome: We didn’t call each other again. I was put out that he didn’t even text to say thanks for the meal. Kurt: late twenties, works in telly
Met Kurt at a bar but didn’t really fancy him to begin with. He did great text in the following week however and I agreed to go for a drink. When I rang to confirm, he’d made other plans. Now, that’s usually a strike three, but he kept texting and on Sunday I invited him for a drink. His response? “I think so… Let’s speak later and make plans.” Sheesh, non-committal much? Mark: early thirties, bites when he kisses
Another one I wasn’t sure of, but he was keen and at the moment being keen is all it takes. I’ve not heard from him since Saturday even though I took the initiative and invited him out this Thursday.
Good lord men. Apathy kills!
Oh Drew, you and your crazy life!
• Mentioned in an article on gay blogs in QX magazine (read the PDF
). As my address is too long, they simply put Not Enough Drew In The World
. The gays can figure it out.
• Bought a £12 bottle of wine by mistake. Have never, ever bought a bottle worth more than six quid in my life. It was oaky and delicious, but I was too resentful to enjoy it.
• Had a date with a guy called Mark. Pros: Cute as a button. Cons: he’s a lip biter. I looked like I’d been attacked by Brazilian hunting wasps yesterday.
• I now own a sack of Christopher’s hand-me-downs. I can’t afford clothes you see, because I spend all my money on Chardonnay.
• The book isn’t finished okay. Stop faxing me. I’m having a wild weekend and then I’ll get back to writing. Everything’s going to plan. But seriously, stop faxing.
It is coming up to 12pm and I have had to turn off the radio because “Freedom pass” is possibly the worst show I have ever had the misfortune to listen to. Perhaps it is because I am twenty-six and not one of your “Parky” demographic, but as an avid Radio 4 listener I was shocked to hear such drivel.
Not only was it grossly boring, but the derogatory and insulting remarks about single parent families were quite inappropriate. The presenter doesn’t like to disclose that his Mother’s maiden name is the same as his fathers in case people should think he came from a single parent family! Outrageous!
I understand Radio 4 is giving voice to an older generation, but poorly made shows like this should only widen the gap between young and old.
I have become Adrian Mole.
(P.S. Happy two year Blog anniversary to me! *blows out imaginary blog candles and eats all of cake*)
At the final whistle the book was 30 to fifty with six overs to go, but it went into overtime after a toss and they scraped in with just enough to make the final four laps and get the bonus.
You know, sometimes I wish I'd played a bit more sport.
If you’re a regular reader you probably fall into one of two camps: sick of me banging on about the book, or bloody sick of me banging on about the book. Unfortunately this here blog is a web diary, a “wiary” if you will - and all that I’ve done to diarize about is um, writing.
I’ve had the week off. I’ve grown a beard. I’ve written until I have weird little aches along my back from sitting too much. I’ve barely left the house and when I do, it’s into a London I vaguely remember. I expect to bump into myself, the clean-shaven go-getter Drew talking to some friend on his mobile phone. My friends don’t call anymore, well at least not this week. They’re giving me a wide berth.
And how is it going?
I’ll tell you on Monday.
I'm twenty-six today. Cor blimey.
FAN LETTER FAN LETTER FAN LETTER
Making a fan letter is a breeze with these simple steps. You can decorate the paper with drawings and give the fan as a gift. Or use it to cool off on a sultry day.
1. Start with an 8-inch by 10-inch piece of paper.
2. Write on it: Dear soandso. Hey you got great calves. You work out or something?
3. Sign it, date it and put it in an envelope.
4. Leave it for them to find on a porch step, or slip it under the door as a surprise!
5. Wait three weeks.
6. After this time, casually ask the recipient if they got any mail recently. If they didn’t, repeat steps 1 – 5.
7. If yes, nod and chew your lip.
8. The next time they are out at the supermarket; jimmy the lock on their door with a credit card like they do in spy flicks. If you don’t have a credit card, use a hammer.
9. Carefully go through their personal belongings to find the letter. Tip: Check the paper bin too.
10. When you find it, fold the horizontal edge of the paper into a 1-inch section. The fold should face upward.
3. Flip the paper so that the folded part is underneath the rest of the sheet.
4. Fold a 1-inch section of the paper upward so that the crease is now lying on top of the rest of the sheet. Keep a listen out in case the car pulls up in the driveway. You don’t want them ruining the surprise.
5. Flip the paper so that the crease is underneath and fold again. It looks as if you're making an accordion, doesn’t it?
6. Repeat these steps, folding and flipping, until you have folded the entire sheet of paper.
7. Pinch one of the long sides together at the edge.
8. Hold the pinched edge, open up the folds on the other end, and you now have a fan. Isn’t it beautiful?
9. Staple the pinched end together to increase the durability of the fan. Wipe the tears from your eyes and hide.
55. When they come home be very quiet until they discover you naked in their closet. Then yell “I’m your fan!” and waft cool air towards them as quickly as possible.
An Idiot’s A Drew's Guide to Computer Security
Greetings from the inner sanctum of my bedroom! After two and a half days I have finally connected the broadband and removed most of the worms and Trojan horse thingumys out of my computer. You see, when I bought this PC second-hand I also inherited a plethora of spyware, viruses and annoying ad pop-ups which lay dormant until I logged online for the first time Friday night. Weird things began to happen. The computer ran ve-ry slow-ly, it kept shutting down for no reason and vindictive programs seemed to have installed themselves.
My computer was ill. Sure, I’d made a back-up of all my book documents, but I didn’t like the prospect of writing on a sick machine. I kept imagining centipede-like gremlins wriggling around in my hard drive.
At 10pm I rolled up my sleeves and began a journey of self-discovery that I like to call “the weekend I shouted at the computer a lot”.
Two and a half days it took me. Two and a half days of downloading and scanning and re-scanning and quarantining and deleting. Now my computer is healthy, even its hum seems more cheery. I have the firewalls and virus killers in place and have destroyed all the spyware and malware. I feel happier too (although if one of those virus software writers walks past me in the street I will slap him hard in the side of the face).
As I am a reasonably illiterate computer type-person, I thought I would pass on what I learnt to you, the unsuspecting public. Enjoy!1. Get yourself some virus software
When it comes to buying stuff for the computer I’m in the “ask around at work and see if anyone has it on disc so I can borrow it for free” school of thought.
On this occasion, I downloaded some free software from AVG
and although it did a great job at identifying my viruses (a Trojan.Elitebar
and a Backdoor.Ranky
no less), it had only limited success of getting rid of them.
I decided to call in the big guns. I bought Norton Anti Virus 2005 (Home Version)
online and downloaded it right there and then. I just hoped to God the Trojan Horse wasn’t stealing my card details. Hoped. To. God.
After a thorough scan, Norton tried its hardest to delete the nasties. Again, it seemed unable to remove them completely. After a steep learning curve I gleaned the following which helped in removing the viruses once and for all:
• Turn off System Restore.
Because I have stupid Windows XP I had to turn off a restore setting on my computer. You see, this restore setting duplicates files if they get damaged, including the virus. So while I was deleting the virus with Norton, my computer was repairing it at the same time. Read more about disabling System Restore on Windows XP here
• Make sure your virus definitions are up to date.
If you haven’t done this manually for a while, do it right now.
• If you use windows, do the virus scan in safe mode.
Safe mode lets you turn off unnecessary computer programs so that you can more easily pinpoint the virus. Read more about safe mode here
• Manually remove the virus.
The Anti Virus software can only do so much – sometimes you have to go into the registry and manually delete the virus code yourself. Once you’ve identified the name of the virus, search online to find the instructions on how to do it (like this
). The process was very scary - like defusing a bomb. At one point, I actually thought I was going to delete the wrong bit and the computer screen would explode.2. Install Firewalls
Firewalls block intruders trying to access your computer and stop unauthorized programs on your computer from accessing the internet. We use Zone Alarm
at work and there’s a free version here
. Once it’s set up, Zone Alarm
gives a warning when a program tries to access the computer. Tip: if you don’t recognize the program, deny it access. You can always change the setting later when you identify what it is.3. Use some anti-spyware software
Do you have pop-ups that seem to jump out from no where? So did I. Download the nifty (and free) Ad-Aware
to clean them up real good.4. Use FirefoxFirefox
is way way better than Explorer. And it’s like a zillion times more secure, especially when it comes to spyware. Ask anyone.5. Be careful what you install
I would never be so stupid as to download a naked wallpaper of Freddy Prince Jr from some dodgy website. Nosireebob. Not me.
So go on, imprison those viruses!
(Virus portrayed by my nephew Harri. No children were imprisoned during the creation of this image. Virus here shown much cuter than in real life).
Man… what a week… hate it… bloggers… so busy… blah blah… I’ve honestly been the bus… not stopped… editing, and work… meetings... so I gave up coffee… stomach upsets… just water and green… extra energy, but of course… not much… still nesting… and you… a great weeken… x