9/08/2005
 
FAN LETTER FAN LETTER FAN LETTER

Making a fan letter is a breeze with these simple steps. You can decorate the paper with drawings and give the fan as a gift. Or use it to cool off on a sultry day.

1. Start with an 8-inch by 10-inch piece of paper.
2. Write on it: Dear soandso. Hey you got great calves. You work out or something?
3. Sign it, date it and put it in an envelope.
4. Leave it for them to find on a porch step, or slip it under the door as a surprise!
5. Wait three weeks.
6. After this time, casually ask the recipient if they got any mail recently. If they didn’t, repeat steps 1 – 5.
7. If yes, nod and chew your lip.
8. The next time they are out at the supermarket; jimmy the lock on their door with a credit card like they do in spy flicks. If you don’t have a credit card, use a hammer.
9. Carefully go through their personal belongings to find the letter. Tip: Check the paper bin too.
10. When you find it, fold the horizontal edge of the paper into a 1-inch section. The fold should face upward.
3. Flip the paper so that the folded part is underneath the rest of the sheet.
4. Fold a 1-inch section of the paper upward so that the crease is now lying on top of the rest of the sheet. Keep a listen out in case the car pulls up in the driveway. You don’t want them ruining the surprise.
5. Flip the paper so that the crease is underneath and fold again. It looks as if you're making an accordion, doesn’t it?
6. Repeat these steps, folding and flipping, until you have folded the entire sheet of paper.
7. Pinch one of the long sides together at the edge.
8. Hold the pinched edge, open up the folds on the other end, and you now have a fan. Isn’t it beautiful?
9. Staple the pinched end together to increase the durability of the fan. Wipe the tears from your eyes and hide.
55. When they come home be very quiet until they discover you naked in their closet. Then yell “I’m your fan!” and waft cool air towards them as quickly as possible.
 

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