Experiments in XXXX

22 August, 10.22am


I've moved house. I didn't take the place in Streatham. I moved into a bigger two bedroom house in Bethnal Green instead. My bedroom looks out over a children's playground, which isn't as creepy as it sounds. I can see Tower 42 and the Gherkin. I've watched as the scaffolding changes each day while they clean the glass on the outside of the Gherkin. It must be amazing spending all day up there, cleaning glass, suspended from a rope and gazing at all of London around you.

I have more time on my hands now, even though all my friends want to come over to see the new house. I write and write and watch movies. I walk down to Brick Lane with Amy and we buy all our fruit and vegetables. Yesterday I found a picture of James Dean at the market for a pound and the DTPM CD for £4. Afterwards I went home and scrubbed the floors, polished all the counter tops and washed the windows. I had my sleeves rolled up. I was in my bedroom cleaning the windows and listening to my ipod (I have an ipod) humming along to "Me and Mrs Jones" and trying the clean the corner of the window panes so they didn't look streaky, thinking about what I was going to have for dinner (pita bread and hummus) when I realised I was in XXXX with you and I had been for a very long time.

I tried very hard not to be. I kept myself busy, I didn't dwell on things; I took every day as a new opportunity. I wanted to get over you and get on with my life. I'd managed to do that with every other boy I'd ever met, so why not you?

Anyway – I was cleaning the glass and making sure there were no streaks and humming to myself and I decided I was going to write this letter. There it is. I XXXX you, Alba. Silly I know.

22 August, 10.44pm

I don't exactly know what to say...

I’m very tired now... and I don’t like writing like this... but I’ll try and
make myself clear.

I must say that I’m not in XXXX with you... but I on the other hand, I’m
finally not in love at all...

There’s been many changes since I haven’t seen you...

I got a new job, I made nice friends, and I decided I’m staying for longer,
at least till September of next year... I feel brand new... well not really, brand new, but starting a whole new phase...

In a way, I feel I managed to do this by myself... and I’m very proud of
that... when I called my house and told my dad I was working in one of the
10 best companies to work in the world according to the Sunday times, he
couldn’t speak cause he was crying... it’s been one of my happiest moments in
my life...

Anyway... what I mean to say, is that right now I need to be by myself... at
least I think I need that...
I would really like to see you... I miss you... But I’m not able to tell you
that I XXXX you... I don’t want to be in a relation, but I definitely don’t
want to play with you in any way...

I just read what I have wrote... I sound to hard... it’s because I’m tired...
I was really happy when I saw a mail from you, more happy to see that it
didn’t say something like "stop sending me txt messages you f**king
foreign"... but quite overwhelmed by what it said...

Let’s meet and see what happens... but everything is starting... lets keep
it that way... we are no strangers, but we had our problems... may be more
calmly, more slowly than the last time... it was quite intense...

thank you

Yeah, yeah, email me

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sites what I write on:

sites what I wrote on:
über: I haven't been completely honest
somewhat.org: on the up




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